What about me? Why the Family Justice System needs to put children first

When parents separate, it’s easy for the focus to shift toward legal rights, disputes, and outcomes.

But amid all of this, one question often gets lost;

What about the children?

A major report from the Family Solutions Group highlights a fundamental issue in the UK’s approach to separation—and makes a compelling case for change.

The problem: a system built around conflict

Every year, hundreds of thousands of children experience parental separation. Yet the system designed to support families often does the opposite.

Instead of reducing conflict, it can:

• Push parents toward legal confrontation too early

• Frame disagreements as legal disputes rather than parenting challenges

• Focus on parental rights instead of responsibilities

• Overlook the long-term wellbeing of children

  
  

In many cases, families enter a process that escalates tension rather than resolving it.

The missing voice: children

One of the report’s most important messages is simple:

Children are often not heard.

Despite being the most affected by separation, children frequently:

• Have little input into decisions that shape their lives

• Feel caught in the middle of parental conflict

• Lack consistent emotional support

  
  

This can lead to lasting effects on their mental health, relationships, and future outcomes.

Why this matters more than ever

Parental conflict—especially when prolonged—can have a deep and lasting impact on children.

Research consistently shows that it’s not separation itself, but ongoing conflict, that causes the most harm.

Yet the current system can unintentionally fuel that conflict.

A better approach: support before court

The report calls for a fundamental shift in how we think about separation:

Less legal process. More human support.

Instead of treating separation as a battle to be decided, it should be approached as a transition to be managed.

This means:

• Helping families earlier

• Encouraging cooperation over confrontation

• Providing accessible support outside of court

  
  

Two clear pathways for families

To make this work in practice, the report suggests a simple but powerful model:

1. Safety pathway

For cases where there is risk of harm—such as domestic abuse.

This pathway prioritises:

• Protection

• Safeguarding

• Appropriate court involvement

  
  

2. Cooperative parenting pathway

For the majority of families, where the focus should be on:

• Communication

• Mediation

• Shared parenting

  
  

This approach supports parents to work together in the best interests of their children, without unnecessary escalation.

What needs to change?

To truly put children first, several shifts are needed:

A joined-up system

Families need clear, coordinated support, not a fragmented experience.

A cultural reset

We need to move away from the idea of “custody battles” and toward shared parenting responsibility.

Earlier intervention

Support should be available before conflict escalates, not after.

Child-centred thinking

Children’s voices, experiences, and wellbeing must be at the heart of every decision.

Courts as a last resort

Legal processes should be there when needed—but not as the default starting point.

Final thought: changing the question

Too often, separation becomes about:

• Who gets what

• Who wins

• Who is right

  
  

But the real question should be:

What does the child need to thrive?

Shifting the system to answer that question more effectively could transform outcomes for thousands of families every year.

How this connects to mediation

For professionals working in mediation and family support, this report reinforces something important:

👉 Early, constructive intervention works.

By helping parents move away from conflict and toward cooperation, mediation plays a key role in creating better outcomes, not just for parents, but for children too.